Three Proofs That UK Elections Even Weirder Than Here

By William K. Black
Quito: May 6, 2015

UK elections are ultra-quick, so tomorrow is Election Day. As the electorate prepares to go to the polls three acts of insanity have struck. The first answers the question: what do British bankers do when their ethical standards fall so low that they are unfit to serve as bankers even in the corrupt culture of banking that dominates the City? They run for Parliament as candidates for the racist UKIP. UKIP, of course, objects to the characterization, so let’s have Robert Blay explain the concept in his own words (but with the obscenities slightly masked). Blay was a Tory (Conservative Party) before joining UKIP. The context is that he is running for a seat against a Tory hotshot named Ranil Jayawardena. The Mirror describes Blay’s rage at Jayawardena, his former Tory colleague.

Former bank accountant Blay, 55, who used to be a member of the Conservative Party, told our reporter that Jayawardena had been tipped to potentially be the country’s first British Asian Prime Minister.

And in a vile and shocking outburst, he raged: “If he is I will personally put a bullet between his eyes.

“If this lad turns up to be our Prime Minister I will personally put a bullet in him. That’s how strong I feel about it.

“I won’t have this f***** as our Prime Minister. I absolutely loathe him.”

The shocking remarks were made to a Daily Mirror investigator at a public meeting on Saturday attended by party leader Nigel Farage.

A UKIP spokesman said tonight: “”Mr Blay has been suspended with immediate effect”.

Lest the reader rush to judgment against Blay and UKIP, consider first Blay’s explanation of why he is moved to assassinate the hypothetical Prime Minister.

Blay added: “His (Jayawardena’s) family have only been here since the Seventies. You are not British enough to be in our parliament.

“I’ve got 400 years of ancestry where I live. He hasn’t got that.

See, it has nothing to do with his opponent being of Tamil descent, it’s the fact that his great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather wasn’t born in the UK. Or, as Blay went on to explain:

Blay went on: “His name’s Jayawardena and I’m told that name is a Tamil name. Well the Tamils were Indians which went to Sri Lanka to take it over and they got their asses kicked. So he comes here, ponces off us and then his son’s in our political system.”

In another shocking rant, Blay suggested Jayawardena, whose parents are from Sri Lanka, had deliberately made his wife pregnant in order to win votes.

He added: “He’s [Jayawardena] 29 years old. He’s got his missus to drop a kid just before the Election.

“He’s planned the birth of the child, there’s no doubt about that. He’s a slippery b******. I’ve worked with him in the Tories.”

So, now we know that Blay’s relatives first came to the UK 400 years ago – from somewhere in Outer Space. There is also the small fact that the Tamils in Sri Lanka were known for their incredible military tenacity and skills against huge odds, so the whole butt kicking meme is contrary to the facts, but putting the words “facts” and “Blay” in the same sentence can only produce internal discord.

It is good to know that Blay is an expert on the intersection of menstrual and Tory political cycles and the foresight necessary to “drop a kid just before the Election.” The phrase “ponces off us” is a UKIP insult of the kind Mitt Romney used to denounce the “47%” of the American population he was writing off as parasites. One can only feel the deepest empathy for Blay’s rage about the horrible burdens he had to personally bear as a result of Jayawardena’s father’s emigration to the UK to become an accountant (like Blay). What a burden the father’s substantial tax payments to the UK must have placed on Blay – whose ancestors came to the UK centuries earlier than the dread Tamils.

Critics may consider Blay lacking in self-awareness as to the concept of “abuse.”

During his chat with our reporter, Blay also described how he called the police following a heated row with an East European voter after he stuck a UKIP election leaflet through his door.

“He’s in my country,” Blay fumed: “He’s a f****** immigrant and I’m not putting up with that s***, because that was abuse.”

Blay’s lack of self-awareness brings me to the second way in which the UK elite make even the fringe GOP candidates for the presidential nomination look like statesmen and women. The leadership of the three largest (until the election) UK parties (the Tories, Labour, and Lib-Dems) are denouncing the voters in Scotland for favoring candidates from the Scottish National Party (SNP). If the polls are accurate, the SNP will emerge as the third largest party after the Lib-Dems’ act of political suicide in serving as the powerless, junior coalition partners that put the Tories in power.

Conservative newspapers in the UK are having a field day picturing the Scots in cartoons they once reserved for the Irish – the monstrous, lazy, and greedy “other” coming to take over England. Readers may recall that a few scant months ago the same troika of UK parties was expressing its love and respect for Scots and their desire to create a political union in which Scots would be treated as first-class citizens of the “Union.” Labour is urging Tories and Lib-Dem supporters in Scotland to vote for Labour candidates to defeat the SNP.

And that brings us to the third way in which the UK elections bring out the UK crazy. John Major, former Tory PM, decided to blast out a broadside attacking the vile Scots and the perfidious Labour Party for being willing to make them a coalition partner should the election lead to no party having a majority. Major warned that if Labour went into coalition with the now dominant Scottish party (SNP) it would destroy the UK. In the midst of this attack on the Scots and Labour, however, Major brought down a broadside of criticism of the failures of the Tories. In particular, Major wants even more severe austerity – while warning that it is causing extreme inequality. Meanwhile, Labour, rather than attack the Tories for inflicting a gratuitous second recession on the UK through austerity – is promising (and etching, albeit in vague terms on a huge granite slab, with all the accompanying jokes about Moses) to inflict permanent austerity on the UK.

The UK, you will recall, fortunately rejected the idiocy of Tony Blair’s effort to get them to adopt the incompetently designed euro. The UK still has a sovereign currency (the pound). The UK, therefore, has no excuse for following such an economically illiterate policy of austerity while the economy is far below its productive capacity. Labour, however, is proud that it is embracing the economically illiterate practice of austerity. The Lib-Dems and the Tories are also proud of their support of austerity. The only major party that is economically literate is the dread SNP. The two big things that Labour, the Tories, and the Lib-Dems publicly agree on are (1) the need to inflict austerity on the UK and (2) the evil of the Scots. Of course, they still despise the Irish and the Welsh, but at the moment the Scots have taken the lead in the race to be the “most feared Celts.”

The three major parties are then stunned that the Scots favor the SNP. Damn ingrates!

The least charming aspect of the Brits over the centuries is that they not only want to rule much of the world – they think it is terribly bad form that the w*** don’t get up every morning and praise G-d that the Brits’ rule their land. Americans, of course, chose independence. If the Scots eventually choose independence it will be because they observe the scorn and spite that the three major English parties and their media enforcers turn on the Scots whenever they begin to stand up like adults to the bullies.

6 responses to “Three Proofs That UK Elections Even Weirder Than Here

  1. Pingback: Prime Minister Cameron's "Southern Strategy" Wins (and Loses) - New Economic PerspectivesNew Economic Perspectives