WASHINGTON, 7 NOVEMBER 2017*. Yesterday Speaker of the House Dennis Kucinich was sworn in as President, replacing President Jeb Bush, who had fled to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, aboard Air Force One seeking asylum in his father’s well guarded compound on the grounds of the Bin Laden family’s palace. Vice President Dick Cheney, who has been in a coma since August after suffering his fifteenth heart attack, was declared incompetent. President Kucinich immediately announced a wide-ranging package of policies designed to bring an end to the Great Depression, which began with the global financial crisis of 2007. He called for calm and pleaded with leaders of the Revolutionary Tea Party Army that has encircled Washington to call off the attack that had been planned for today, the 100th anniversary of the Bolshevik revolution. Commandant Dick Armey said he is willing to meet for a discussion of a ceasefire so long as his militia can take their weapons home.

President Kucinich apparently ordered the Marines to invade Goldman Sachs headquarters in Manhattan early this morning. While there were some reports of small arms fire, most of the 6000 employees were reportedly removed without struggle and are on their way to various jails and prisons in the greater New York area. CEO Timothy Geithner was captured at La Guardia, attempting to board a private jet said to be headed for Riyadh. An anonymous source claimed that Geithner complained that President Bush had left him behind after promising protection. President Kucinich announced that Geithner would be charged with fraud, racketeering, and tax evasion. The case dates back to 2012 but had been put on hold when former President Sarah Palin ordered the attorney general’s office to stop its investigation of the Treasury Secretary. President Kucinich said that Goldman, the last remaining bank in America, would be nationalized. He assured depositors that the bank would reopen next Monday under management of a team of presidential appointees led by William Black. All insured deposits will be protected, but it is believed that other claims will not be honored. FBI agents have reportedly moved to seize all assets of current and former Goldman employees. Warrants for the arrest of former Treasury Secretaries Paulson, Rubin, and Summers were also issued.

President Kucinich’s package of policies includes universal and comprehensive debt cancellation. Under the plan, all private debts will be declared null and void. The implications are not immediately clear since delinquency rates have already reached 95% on most categories of debt. Several economists said that the new President was only validating reality, but others argued that it gave legal protection to squatters who have refused to leave their foreclosed homes over the past decade. The global movement for the “Year of Jubilee” had been pushing for such debt relief since the crisis began.

The policy proposals, which have been dubbed “New Deal 2.0”, also include a universal job guarantee that would provide work and wages for the nation’s estimated 75 million unemployed. The plan seems to follow a proposal that then-Representative Kucinich had introduced into the House in 2011. Funding for the program would be provided by Washington, but projects would be created and managed at the local level. At the time, Kucinich had argued that the program would “take workers as they are and where they are”, providing a living wage to participants and useful public services and infrastructure to their communities. When asked how the government would pay for the program, Representative Kucinich had said at the time “by crediting bank accounts, of course—that’s the only way a sovereign government ever spends.” However, his bill had failed to get out of committee; it was revealed that large campaign contributions were subsequently made by hedge fund manager Pete Peterson to all committee members who had opposed the legislation—and although he was never accused of wrong-doing, it was long suspected that there might have been a connection.

President Kucinich also announced a new “Marshall Plan” for war-ravaged Europe, which has descended into near anarchy since the EU collapsed in late 2010. He called on the Italian Red Brigade army to end its siege of Berlin. He promised to begin an airlift of food for Europe’s starving millions, to be followed by industrial products to help European nations to begin to produce for domestic consumption. He called for an end to fiscal austerity and argued that since each nation had adopted its own currency with the collapse of the euro, each now had the ability to “spend by crediting bank accounts.” Hence, “whatever is technologically feasible is financially feasible.”

Wall Street rallied on the news, with Nasdaq reaching a new high of nearly 250 and the Dow hitting 1150—the highest levels seen since the Great Crash of October 2011. The dollar also rose on the news, to $52 per Chinese RMB. Optimism spread to Japanese markets, with the yen remaining close to 132 per dollar.

In his statement, President Kucinich said that the long “nightmare” was coming to an end. He struck a conciliatory tone when he responded to a question about the actions of the administration of President Obama in the early years of the Great Depression, which many believe to have set the stage for the Great Crash. “Look, President Obama as well as his successors followed the advice of economists—who continually called for more fiscal austerity, much like the misguided physicians used to bleed patients to death. They were, and still are, clueless. I promise you that I will ban all economists from my administration. I will not seek, nor will I follow, advice from economists.” After a decade of suffering over the course of the second Great Depression, the nation breathed a collective sigh of relief.

The President pointed to the experiences of China, India and Botswana, the only nations to escape the Great Depression. He recalled that just a decade ago, US GDP and the standard of living of the average American were many times higher than those in any of these nations. Indeed, Botswana was widely derided for its policies, which had generated hyperinflation. Yet, each of these countries had adopted a job guarantee and had developed programs that achieved full employment with wage and price stability. And while unemployment rose dramatically all around the globe, these three nations enjoyed full employment and rising living standards—indeed, all three have surpassed the US median real household income level. President Kucinich said that Botswana has offered to send advisors to help get America’s fiscal and monetary policy back on track. He proclaimed that the days of misguided fiscal austerity are over, and promised to “spend whatever it takes to get our nation’s workers and factories operating at full capacity.”

In related news, a handful of economists have declared their support for President Kucinich’s policies. Among them is former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan, who had recanted his belief in free market economics early in the depression. Over the years he has moved ever further to the left as he embraced reforms ranging from socialized medicine to abolition of private ownership of the means of production. While some economists have dismissed Greenspan’s public statements as the rants of “a senile old man” others have noted that the statements have become remarkably cogent in contrast to the testimonies he used to provide as Chairman. An early disciple of Ayn Rand, Greenspan’s recent testimonies now include obscure quotes from Marx, Lenin, and Rosa Luxemburg. He has also been calling for the elimination of the Fed, arguing that monetary policy and fiscal policy should be consolidated in the Treasury Department.

*Disclaimer: Some of the events reported here have not been fact-checked**.

**Disclaimer: Actually, none of the events reported here has yet occurred, although some are quite likely.


  1. Dr. Wray, I just fact-checked your content,and there seems to be one error: by the time we finally collectively decide to keep our "idea of civilization" (by kicking the vampire squid and their Bush-Dicks in the balls), the exchange rate between the USD and the RMB is $5.2 to 1yuan. You have exaggerated the situation quite a bit here… other than that, you should probably disclaim the fact that your personal friend Michael Hudson will then be serving both as Treasury Secretary and Chief Economic Advisor to the president. (Oh, also Dr. Papadimitrio as president of the University of Chicago…)

  2. I'm not sure why anyone would present Kucinich as the public's savior. He's merely represents the other-side of their political dialectic.I highly recommend The Political Illusion by Jacques Ellul. He puts forward an excellent set of arguments that render much of our reliance on politics and politicians as moot.

  3. A fascinating reverie, Randall, and not so far-fetched. A revision or six if you will. When it happens it will well-up as if out of a mist. It will be entirely spontaneous as was the 1956 Budapest uprising. And there will be no recognizable names in the leadership, no Dick Armeys or Dennis Kuciniches. As a matter of fact, anyone having had anything whatsoever to do with the criminal governing class that preceeded it will have been taken into custody, as will have their immediate families, and all will be interrogated in anticipation of their appearance at public trials to be held in large outdoor sports stadiums settings. At the same time a second constitutional convention will be convened, the financial structures nationalized, a Ten Year Plan introduced to reindustrialize the United States, and the armed forces disbanded and replaced with reliable peoples' units organized along defensive lines. From there the picture is less clear.Andrei Vyshinsky

  4. Dr. Wray. Very funny. You are letting Obama off the hook for the most part. He is a big part of the problem.Anyway, what about your prediction of financial crisis 2.0 caused by second mortgages help by the big four banks? Any update on that ?

  5. You mentioned nothing about Russia, an atomic power.I suspect that by the time things deteriorated this far there would have been at least one large atomic war reducing mankind to the stone age.

  6. small problem with this fascinating future outlook. the president instituting these policies should be someone with at least a small understanding of capital markets, economics, and an iota of common sense might help also. given that this is the same man that BANKRUPTED cleveland ohio and would rather bounce checks than face facts. i think kucinich was a very poor choice for the 'hero'.

  7. Obama still in Sing Sing jail for treason ????

  8. Wowza! Nicely done! Disclaimer #2 is scary as hell but also quite true.

  9. Quite a heady story!But looking 4 years beyond 2017, Peter Peterson, after scoring a "miraculous" come-from-behind victory over Kucinich, empties the jails of financial criminals, bans labor unions, cuts minimum the wage, privatizes social security, cancels medicare, and rules all health insurance must be purchased from unregulated money grubbing corporations….that is, unless, immediately after arresting all criminal banksters and former Treasury Secretaries and putting 75 million unemployed Americans back to work, the Kucinich White House orders all electronic voting machines and computerized central tabulators to be dragged out from election departments all over the country and publicly destroyed by citizens amply provided with government-issue sledgehammers.And immediately after that crucial event, while the crowds are still milling about feeling the endorphins kick in and exulting in their accomplishment (which history will record as far more significant than the destruction of the Bastille), handbills are passed out telling them where in their respective neighborhoods they can go to take lessons on how to hand-count paper ballots rapidly and accurately in full view of observers from all major parties (likely by then to be only Progressives, Greens, and Tea Party/Libertarian).Kucinich goes on to become the first president since FDR to serve 4 terms.Then and only then while the long nighmare finally be over.

  10. I loved it and coming sooner than we think. Sad but thanks for the Laugh.jo6pac

  11. There is a great start for a film script here. Maybe Michael Moore could take a break from documentary film making and venture into a black comedy based on 2017.

  12. "While some economists have dismissed Greenspan's public statements as the rants of "a senile old man" others have noted that the statements have become remarkably cogent in contrast to the testimonies he used to provide as Chairman. "Brilliant!

  13. Had McCain been elected, this depression narrative would have lit fire. Though different parts of the country are in different stages of this down cycle, all of the leading indicators are pegged to the ceiling. There is a lot of stimulus floating through the economy and from the trenches, I can say earnestly and truly: The pump is primed again.

  14. What a silly assumption. It will, of course, be President Rand Paul, not Kucinich ! :-)Seriously, good forward thinking.

  15. Very funny.This is off topic, but there is an economics conference in Greece (Athens) 26th-29th July. See Someone come and do a presentation on MMT! I’m probably going. You need to get a 300 word abstract in by 31st May: send to [email protected]

  16. Good that this will happen. I take it that the Death of The Gulf of Mexico and the mass exodus of the millions who'd been living from Naples to Campeche will not be a significant factor? Or those numbers will be offset by those who die in the Second Mexican-American War, which results in the secession of California and the southern thirds of Arizona, New Mexico and Texas? Any rights optioned on the movie yet?

  17. Good that this will happen. I take it that the Death of The Gulf of Mexico and the mass exodus of the millions who'd been living from Naples to Campeche will not be a significant factor? Or those numbers will be offset by those who die in the Second Mexican-American War, which results in the secession of California and the southern thirds of Arizona, New Mexico and Texas? Any rights optioned on the movie yet?

  18. Brilliant satire, or a dire prophecy . . . ?

  19. So the solution to Statism 1.0 is —- Statism 2.0?How sad — your concept here could have been SO much more gripping and intelligent.

  20. Lest we not forget that the Financial Crisis of 2007 was begat by the passing of the Commodity Reform Act.The CRA was passed in the final hours of the Clinton Administration by Democrats and Republicans alike. It was the first Bill in nearly 70 years to receive a 100% Unanimous vote, meaning all Senators and Congressmen had shown up, and both the House & Senate had all voted.It was the passing of the CRA that allowed the pension funds of little old grandmas to be placed into high risk investments such as Mortgage Pools (It is well documented that Harry Reid & Nancy Pelosi & Barack Hussein Obama all profited well from said pools that led to the decline of banks.)The Moral of the Story: Politicians are like diapers. They all smell, and should be changed often!

  21. Haha, awesome!

  22. Also the super-rich colonize Antarctica, which is now a tropical oasis due to global warming. They protect it with killer robots, and they never die due to cloning all their failing body parts.

  23. This must now become known as a classic example of the deep deep delusions secretly nurtured by the American left. This is very out of touch with what is really going to happen. It assumes Americans will eventually rally around the left and reality is the opposite. The left is increasingly revealed to be wrong about how economics really work. Plus, the left with it's Rainbows and Unicorn style will be rapidly suppressed by the gun wielding Tea Party folks who will no longer put up with this crap.

  24. the usual liberal trash. look inward, no need to gaze farther than Rahm Emmanuel himself.

  25. Great satire. Couldn't you have found a way to exonerate Billy Ayers and make him a hero of your fantasied revolution! Power to the People!!

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